


Panic

by vodkasam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Consensual, Other, Panic Attack, Prostitution, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, hurt!Dean, protective!Sam, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2018-01-01 09:00:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1042956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vodkasam/pseuds/vodkasam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean runs into an unwanted memory at the Gas-N-Sip</p>
            </blockquote>





	Panic

Sam and Dean were stopped at a gas station just outside Indiana. Dean was grabbing snacks and drinks inside, and Sam had chosen to lean against the Impala and stretch his legs rather than wait inside the car. They’d been driving for hours on end, and Dean had been getting jittery, so they decided to stop for a bit.

Just as Sam glanced at his watch, Dean literally ran out of the gas station. There were no bags in his hands, so Sam immediately moved towards the trunk to grab some weapons. It had to be demons; why else would Dean move so fast when he was so tired?

“Get in. Now,” Dean hissed urgently. Sam was startled by the wild expression in his brother’s eyes and immediately complied. Dean didn’t even bother buckling his seatbelt, and Sam’s door wasn’t even closed when Dean yanked the car into reverse and sped off.

“Whoa,” Sam said, “what the hell is going on?”

Dean just kept shaking his head, muttering too quietly to hear. There was a panic Sam had never seen in his brother’s face before, and it was starting to scare him. Dean kept pressing harder and harder on the gas pedal, his hands trembling. They only made it about fifteen minutes before Dean swerved onto the shoulder. He barely made it out of the car and into the grass before he started vomiting. Sam jumped out and moved quickly to Dean’s side, one hand on his back.

“Dean, Dean, hey…”

Dean didn’t even lie and say he was fine; he couldn’t make the words come out. His breathing was uneven, and he was crying in a panicked, uncontrollable way. His right hand kept grabbing at Sam’s jacket, but he could never seem to get a firm hold on it because he was shaking too hard. 

“Sorry,” he choked out. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, I’m-“ He pressed a hand hard to his forehead.

“You’re having a panic attack.” Sam said, his voice steady. “I know you feel out of control right now, and that’s okay. I’m right here and I’m not leaving you. I promise. I’m not mad at you. You’re okay.”

Dean leaned forward and vomited again, and Sam slowly rubbed circles onto the back of his neck. “You’re okay,” he murmured again. “Not leaving you, not going anywhere. I’m right here.”

Dean sagged back onto his heels and leaned into Sam. He was still hunched forward, but at least he wasn’t so tense, and that let Sam know that Dean was starting to calm down. 

“You can relax when you’re ready,” Sam said. “It doesn’t have to be now. There’s no rush, Dean, so you take your time.”

Dean started sobbing, so Sam reached across his brother to pull him closer. Dean clung to Sam’s forearm, buried his face in what he could of Sam’s jacket.

“Don’t,” he cried, “don’t…” He was so distressed by whatever thoughts he was entertaining that his cries went silent for a few moments. He was out of breath, and Sam talked him through it.

“I won’t,” he murmured, even though he had no idea what Dean was talking about. “No one’s gonna get hurt, okay, Dean? Nobody can hurt us right now. We’re safe. Nothing’s gonna happen, I’m not gonna leave you.” A slight pause. “Dean, this is your body’s way of handling whatever just happened, okay? Your mind can only do so much, and then sometimes your body has to help it. That’s what it’s doing now. Your body is processing it so your mind doesn’t have to. But you’re safe with me. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Dean was still crying when he managed to say, “I saw Alistair.”

Sam immediately started flipping through his mental rolodex, searching for the name. Alistair, Alistair… didn’t sound familiar at all. Somebody Dad knew? Somebody from–

“I was gonna get some water bottles but then I saw him and I don’t know if he saw me or not, I mean, I think he didn’t, but still…”

“Slow down,” Sam murmured, pulling Dean closer.

Dean nodded, trying to relax. His hands were still trembling, but the color was starting to seep back into his face, which was a good sign. His stomach didn’t feel so topsy-turvy now either, come to think of it.

“I-he-“ Dean buried his face back in Sam’s coat, not wanting to remember the events of that night. Still, he knew he owed Sam an explanation, especially after throwing a fit like that. He clung to Sam’s shoulders as he started his story, eyes squeezed shut.

“We were outta money… we were just kids. And…” Dean swallowed. “Dad had been gone a real long time, and it was just you an’ me. We were running out of everything, livin’ off crackers and canned pineapple. We were so hungry, Sammy…” He slips out of his story to pull back and look at Sam. He can’t quite make it to his eyes, but he figures staring at Sam’s collar will do okay. “Please don’t hate me when I tell you this,” he whispers.

Sam, sensing exactly where the story is going, murmurs a promise that he won’t, and Dean leans back into his little brother, reassured. 

“Okay, so, uh, we were hungry and Dad was gone. And I needed to get some cash, but I was still too young to sneak into a bar. I was thirteen or fourteen, I guess. Fourteen. Yeah. So I started wandering the alleys in the town, looking for somebody to pick me up.” 

Dean felt Sam’s hands press tighter to his back, but he continued. “And I got somebody. It was cold out, and he stopped his car to ask me what I was doing. Told him I was lookin’ for a little something special, you know? He said get in, so I did. Big mistake.”

Then it was Dean’s turn to hold tighter. He was certain that if Sam wasn’t with him, he wouldn’t be able to breathe ever again.

“Took me back to his place,” Dean said shakily. “He was really kinky… weird… I was just looking to blow somebody, get some quick cash, you know? Not that. Never shoulda gotten in the car.”

Dean’s insides seized, and he tore away from Sam for a moment, for fear that he would vomit again, but it was just the regret sinking back in. He’d locked this up in a box and shoved it into the very, very back of his mind so that he’d never have to feel that regret again. But here it was.

“I won’t tell you what he did, I don’t want you to know. But as soon as I figured out what he had in store for me, I was saying no, trying to leave, and he wouldn’t let me. Bastard kept me tied up all night, but all I wanted was to get back to you, get back to my Sammy. Couldn’t keep you safe if I wasn’t there.”

Dean heard Sam choke, but he was too gone to realize that Sam was crying. Just thought he was making a noise. Disapproval, probably. Dean should have been better.

“He did things that I didn’t even know were possible. And when I finally thought he was done, he wasn’t. He stopped and tied me up while he had had dinner – fucking dinner! – and then came back and got even more creative. You always wondered why I never liked chicken after that. That’s why. He was eating chicken. I was blindfolded, but I could smell it. Smell makes me sick now.”

Sam’s hand found Dean’s hair and started slowly running through it. Dean must have lost a bit of time, because suddenly they were in a slightly different position, and Dean felt extremely tired. 

“He paid me a lot,” Dean said roughly, picking up where his conscious mind left off. “He’s rich, so a few hundred dollars to him was nothing. Luckily, it was the world to us. I made it last til Dad came back, kept most of it for after, actually, when the money got tight again the next time. I knew it would. It always did.”

“Dean, I’m sorry,” Sam said, his voice so full of emotion that it physically pulls on something in Dean’s chest.

“He could be here by now,” Dean said quickly, getting dizzily to his feet. “We have to get out of here.”

“Hey, no, you said he didn’t see you,” Sam replied, steadying his brother. “It’s okay to take it slow.”

Dean’s eyes darkened. “He sees everything. See, there’s more to the story that I didn’t want to tell.” Dean walked around to the front of the Impala and sat down, and Sam followed. “He, uh, he drove me back to the side of town we were in. Insisted. And I wanted to get back to you, make sure everything was still okay. Gave him the wrong motel, cause ours was only two blocks away or something, but he watched me walk through the back and he followed me to the other motel. Even knew which room number we were in, and so he watched us for a day, and then he came and knocked on the door at night. Took me out back to his car, told me to be real quiet. Said if I was good, he’d let me go. You were right there, Sammy, and he was fucking me, and I felt like I was ruining you. I didn’t want him to do it, but I had to let him, because I was so scared he would hurt you if I didn’t. He knew about you. He told me. He watched us real good.” 

Dean paused. A car was coming their way, they could hear it. Dean ducked around behind the Impala, yanking Sam with him. They held their breath as the woosh of air passed, and when Dean looked to check, it hadn’t been Alistair.

“Sam, we need to go,” Dean said quietly, and Sam actually nodded his agreement. “I can’t drive,” Dean muttered.

Sam nodded. “I know. It’s okay. Get some shut-eye, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Dean replied. He knew with Sam by his side, Alistair couldn’t hurt him anymore.


End file.
